16 days, and a few more to go. I’m beginning to slip below the surface of the ocean that is parenting my kids single handedly. My husband is travelling extensively and the boys and I are a reduced party of 5. The horizon is slipping from view and my lungs are bloating from the water trickling in at a steady rate. Or maybe that is just the alcohol I’ve had as an intravenous drip for the full time. That is beginning to eat away at me and leave me for dead as a mother shaped pile of dust on the floor.
Life has been a sprint to the finish line holding down the Joy fort. With no cavalry or back up to take up the slack when my brain starts to mis fire and threaten insanity. I have 3 wild boys , who need me and remember there is only one of me, we have activities every night that involve at least 2 hours of my attention. Piled on top is a thick layer of homework, house work, my work, my running schedule, mountainous piles of washing and then remembering all that miscellaneous shit a mother needs to remember. It’s me and the lion cubs 24/7 and this lioness needs sleep. I am averaging 5 hours a night and pretty much MY dinner has been toast for 16 days straight, thank fully the running has combated the excessive drinking and gluten consumption. So I think I my have actually lost some weight. I have not really spoken to another adult for longer than 10 minutes for the whole time, I’m not sure I can talk in full sentences anymore. It has officially been death by reality TV, as I cry daily to Queer Eye. I have spent subordinate amounts on sitters, so I can run and leave the house on my own, to stitch back together the fibres of my sanity. That I may need to sell my body for cash to recoup the expense.
I have learnt that TV saves everything.
That it is ok to take Prozac daily.
Pasta, is a kids gift from the gods.
The pool counts as a bath.
Teeth brushing is good enough if you do it really well in the morning.
I have some very awesome friends who love me.
Underwear is not necessary.
I really can survive on bread, wine and running 5 miles a day.
It has also made me appreciate the brilliant, strong and fearless single parents out there, who do this every fucking day and no one sees them. If you know one, reach out, check in, take the kids, offer them dinner, invite them over. These silent heroes will not ask for help, but will need it, they are building lives single handedly and forgoing their own and that is a very brave and selfless thing to do.
Count down until daddy is home.