BOYS BOYS BOYS

“Make sure you raise your boys right!”

OK? What does that even mean? What is exactly “right”?

To be kind / clear up their plates / not be an abuser / give to charity / not drink to excess / learn to cook a three course meal / to not touch small children inappropriately / to not be a racist / help the elderly with their shopping. Clearly “all of the above”, yes?

What exactly do you mean? Please clarify.

As a mother of three strong, independent, loving, smart, athletic, caring, sensitive, creative boys, over the years I have either read or have been told the above sentence multiple times, always from the mothers of all girls. Every time I smile with a grimace, nod my head mechanically and secretly want to come back with “well please can you do a good job with your girls” .

What you mean to say is please make sure your son, is not an alcoholic, chauvinistic, wife beating, raping , pedophile, Correct, is that what you want to say to me over coffee?

The thing that shocks me is that, in today’s modern society, apparently all men are born bad. That unbeknownst to them, my boys have been placed in a :”box” before they have even had their first wet dream, I mean who knows, blimey they could be homosexual, would that then make it all ok?

The thing that hurts most is, I am a female, and as a woman, I want to be treated equally, kindly, with love, to not be raped, abused, beaten or touched inappropriately. Like many, I have not escaped all scenarios, and I am a product of some very unfortunate moments when a man did bad things to me. So, please excuse me while I damn well make sure my beautifully caring boys are raised to treat women as their equal. I also have taught my boys, that none of the above sentence is OK to happen to them either. That none of the above is acceptable to happen to them AT ALL! They too are worthy of love, kindness, and to be treated equally. They are the good guys too.

Firstly, let me say OUT LOUD, that my husband and I love them with every part of our souls, my kids know they are loved and are worthy of unconditional love.

We are teaching them –

Everyone has feelings. That kindness above all things will get them far in the world. To love with passion. That other peoples feelings should be respected, but do not have to be taken if inappropriate. That NO means NO in all aspects, for them and for others.

We are also working on the idea women are different anatomically but equal. That women are the bearers of life and that is pretty damn magical. What is more, a small boy needs to know that his mama carried him for 9 months, she fed him from her body, she kept, and will always keep him safe. Your mama made you.

What do you mean “raise them right” ?

I AM , I do not need anyone judging my small child or me, before he has even developed his own feelings, thoughts, likes and dislikes. You have judged my son because he has a penis, because he is male. Men are not the bad guys, society is, poverty is, the government is, a failed system is. “THEY are not born EVIL” All children are born GOOD, clean, wholesome and pure. We were all children once. Please remember that.

As parents we all have a responsibility to our children to be the best parents that we can be. To nurture, support, listen to and love them. Please, stop making my boy start his life on the back foot, constantly trying to prove he is worthy of the sex he was given. He is worthy, he is human, he has feelings, he has fears, he is a child

So, in answer to this ambiguous phrase, YES he will be raised “right” because, to receive kindness, love, compassion, help, you too must give, you must listen and be listened too. As absolutely no one should ever be put in a box, and told who they are, before they have even be able to make a choice.

My boys are good and a penis doesn’t change that. Choices do.

Love “a mother of boys”

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